My oldest son, Jake, has had a challenging semester, to put it mildly. Tomorrow is the last day of his Sophomore year, and boy are we glad! He took his Chemistry exam today, and for extra credit, wrote the following poem–which demonstrates that his true talents lie in the Humanities.
Ode to Chemistry
by Jake Sholly
O! Ye, Chemistry, Why dost thou tormenteth me?
What ill hath I inflicted thee, O, master of molarity?
From A to B to C to D, Mine grade’s as changing as the sea,
But is this just proclivity? Nay, I say, it canst not be.
Perhaps the blame should rest on me, or on mine failure to study.
But wherefore should I practice thee? Thine formulas mean naught to me!
Molality and enthalpy? ‘Tis saturated lunacy!
Such loquacious complexity does hardly bare necessity!
But ho! What’s this? Thou speak to me?
Thou say that without chemistry, mine life, itself, would cease to be?
I’d wither, and would certainly become as plain as unsweet tea?
If truly thou hast spake to me, then folly I would surely be,
If warning didst not hinder me from failing miserably to see the glory that there is in thee,
For truly thou art life indeed, in that you bid it to proceed.
It humbles me, O, chemistry, that thou, thyself, hast chosen me.
And thus, I beg a boon of thee: Please pardon me for failing thee.