Standing outside the Fire

I’ve written this post in my head dozens of times, each one different.  It’s an anniversary, and I knew I should–that I wanted to, NEEDED to–commemorate it in some way.  But should I talk about what I’ve learned?  The good things it brought about? Just start off with “one year ago today”?  Reassure everyone (and myself) that everything is okay now?  Shoot for inspiring, or tragic?
Maybe my confusion stems from the fact that I haven’t fully processed it yet.  That there are days when I think–or even say–“I just can’t believe that happened to us.”  Not out of self-pity, but in honest disbelief because it seems unreal at times–almost magical.  Everything changed–everything GONE–in a few minutes’ time.  Maybe I haven’t been “standing outside the fire” long enough to know exactly what it all means–and maybe it’s going to take more than one anniversary post to sort it all out.
So let’s start with this:  one year ago today, I woke up in Baltimore, fully expecting that the next day, after the funeral, I would be returning here:
Not here:
But that’s what happened.

0 thoughts on “Standing outside the Fire

  1. I think that is the kind of life event you never fully process. I had a friend who lost her home and all her possessions in a fire years ago. She barely made it out with her life (woke up in the middle of the night surrounded by flames). To this day it is hard for her to talk about, and it has impacted her in so many ways.
    Like with any form of grieving, it is important to allow yourself to feel it in your own way, in your own time. There is no right or wrong when it comes to such things. Wishing you peace on this difficult day.

    1. I’m sure the trauma of actually BEING THERE would be unimaginable. By the time we got home, it was all over. There was never a threat to our lives except theoretically. And because it has all turned out so well for us, and most of us have moved on, it is hard for me not to think that I just need to get over it already. Thanks for your kind words.

      1. Just b/c you weren’t there doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic. Your family lost its safe place. Its haven. And many meaningful things that could not be replaced. It’s wonderful that you have been able to move on, but it was still a significant event in your lives. Be kind to yourself and try not to put pressure on yourself to “get over it.” You can move on and still feel the hurt. It’s OK.

  2. Our homes are our the centers of everything. I once heard someone call them our “Machine’s for Living” but they are SO much more than that.
    I am so glad that you and your family were not harmed by the fire, physically but my heart aches for you because of the loss of everything and the hurt it has caused you. I honestly can’t imagine going through that. I am amazed at your strength and love all at the same time.
    You inspire me. Your faith, your love for God inspires me to be a better person.
    Sending love to you on this day, my friend.

  3. I have tried and failed to imagine what that would really be like. Following you through your blog and FB I think you and your husband handled it beautifully, as much as could be. I am thinking of you xo

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