Because today is Tuesday (Five Favorites day) AND it’s our 25th wedding anniversary, it seems like the thing to do is to post five marriage tips. Because 25 years qualifies me as an EXPERT, y’all.
1. Never ask “whether,” only ask “how.”
This one comes straight from the homily at our wedding, and it’s the one thing that John and I both remember. To expand, Father Spitzer said that once you are married, you should never question whether you should have gotten married, but only ask how you could STAY married. That advice has helped us stay committed through some difficult times. Whether is a pointless question if you want your marriage to last forever.
2. Grow together, not apart.
So how do you do that? Most important, make time to be together. Don’t tell me it’s impossible. We had three kids in four years, and we got a babysitter and arranged to go out regularly. When I had a nursing baby, we just brought him or her along. Our life as a couple did not end when we became parents. We’ve made it a point to celebrate not just our wedding anniversary but also the anniversary of our becoming a couple. We hold on to little rituals and traditions. But at the same time we don’t just cling to the past. We make it a point to be involved in each other’s lives, so that even as we have separate friends and pursuits, we each know about and are interested in each other’s passions.
3. If you are really mad at your husband and you need to vent, call his mother.
Maybe you are laughing as you read that, but I’m serious. Complaining about your husband to your friends and family can be very destructive to your marriage, and to the relationship you want your husband to have with the important people in your lives. But your mother-in-law is going to love your husband no matter what he does. And if you have a really good mother-in-law like I do, she’ll fuss at him on your behalf.
Well, duh, right? What do I mean? Talk about everything, good and bad. And if you are having trouble with this, don’t be ashamed or afraid to seek professional help with your communication skills. Problems don’t just go away if you don’t discuss them.
It’s hard, hard work to live day in and day out with another person, someone who is not your blood relative and who you are bound to by choice. There are bound to be times when you don’t get along at all. But check this out: “on average unhappily married adults who divorced were no happier five years after the divorce than were equally unhappily married adults who stayed married when rated on any of 12 separate measures of psychological well-being. Moreover, two-thirds of unhappily married people who remained married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. Even among couples who had rated their marriages as very unhappy, 80 percent said they were happily married five years later.” So hang in there! Chances are, things will get better, especially if you are using tips 1-4.
Those are my top five–at least today! For more favorites, visit the linkup at Mama Knows, Honeychild!
Congratulations on 25 years of marriage. Marriage is a true witness to the love of God.
My favorite line on how we have stayed married for 33 years is that we do it one day at a time. “I will stay for one more day. Those one days have added up to 33 years.”
Excellent advice, Martha! Thanks. 🙂
Happy anniversary! We’ve only been married 10 years, but yes, yes, yes, yes and yes to your five tips. 🙂
Thanks, Jen! Ten years is an accomplishment! You won’t believe how soon it will be 25.
I have used all of these at one time or another with the exception of talking to his mother. By the time I discovered he had some issues, his mom was gone. I miss her still. She helped for a wonderful man! Great tips!
I’m glad you approve! Hoping to reach 50 years using these. 🙂
Whoops! I mean, she helped form a wonderful man. Posting this on FaceBook!
Thank you for sharing and helping me get new readers.
Welcome to the Catholic blog directory. I’d like to invite you to participate in Sunday Snippets–A Catholic Carnival. We are a group of bloggers who gather weekly to share posts with each other. This week’s host post is at http://rannthisthat.blogspot.com/2014/08/sunday-snippets-catholic-carnival_16.html
Thanks, RAnn! I’m honored to be invited to participate and I will definitely join in!
Great tips and Happy Anniversary! The only tip I disagree with is telling your Mother in Law. I never told mine, I wasn’t close enough with her to do that. I don’t want my Daughter in law to tell me. I just don’t want to get in the middle.
It definitely depends on the mother-in-law!
Great advice — except for the mother-in-law one for me. My mother-in-law would turn on me like a wild hyena and rip me to shreds. Fortunately, my husband gives me very, very little to vent about. Happy 25th anniversary!
Love this, definitely things I’m going to want to keep in mind once I’m married! The only one I probably won’t do is tell my future mother in law, he doesn’t have the best relationship with her, but I could talk to my GODmother-in-law she’s awesome!
Happy Anniversary Leslie. We just celebrated 32 years yesterday. I can attest that this is wise advice. I am not sure I would call my mother-in-law though, we just don’t have the kind of relationship.
Depends on the mother in law, naturally! Happy Anniversary!!
Congratulations on the anniversary Leslie and John and what you are modelling for your children and all of us. I love the quote in No. 5, very interesting.
Fridays Blog Booster Party #19
I appreciate that!
Congratulation and thank you for bringing your joy to out Pinterest Game last week. The Game is Live again and we wait for you to join!